The KamatSutra has been talked about in hushed tones for a long time. The select few who have grasped its esoteric principles are able to apply the lessons in their daily routines and enhance the pleasure of the copious amount of time they spend in office.
Here’s an attempt to modernise and encapsulate the essence of the ancient knowledge. Contrary to popular belief, the KamatSutra isn’t just about positions you take during meetings. It’s a way of (corporate) life. A large part is devoted to general philosophy and getting your priorities straight.
After reading this article, you should be in a good position to spice up your tax life.
The Praying Mantis
This position is helpful when you are still a novice to the game. It’ll help you come across as a docile creature who can be dominated by the ones above you. It is most effective when getting a job, escaping from penalties and convincing the boss for a timely appraisal.
The Cash Cow
If you can’t be milked, you are useless to the orgy (or organisation, if you prefer being formal). Develop skills that others don’t have. On the bad days when you can’t give them milk, ensure that even your worst output can be used as fertiliser.
When the crap hits the fan (even if your office has ACs), heads will roll. Save your most prized possession (your head) by going underground.
Without a head, you will not get ahead in your career – KamatSutra
This one is in contrast to the Ostrich position. It bodes well for experienced ones with big egos. With your head in the clouds, pretend you aren’t concerned about what’s going on down under.
Staying in the same position for too long can stagnate your career. Hop, skip and jump when you get a chance. Discover life outside the well.
Don’t obsess over the size of your CV
Whether your bullet-points are dotted or dashed is not important. Instead, focus on what it can do for you once it is inside the HR department.
Keep in mind that you aren’t the first one to log into that laptop. There have been others before you. There’ll be others after you. Keep the firewall updated. It can keep many virus strains out of your system. Keep you work safe from competitors and unscrupulous colleagues.
Covet not thy neighbour’s compensation package
It’s a mirage. It only looks attractive from a distance – better salary, better colleagues, better boss, better company. Who knows. Maybe the brass is meaner on the other side.
The Jee-Spot is a myth
Calling your fellow workers Sharma-jee, Mishra-jee, Sonia-jee isn’t the only way to show respect. There are other ways to recognise and appreciate what others bring to the bedrock of paid services.
Experience multiple organisms
It’s comforting to stay within your comfort zone and limit your interaction with only a few close friends. But it’s equally important to get out of it to find out what’s happening in other departments. It’ll facilitate the cross-breeding of ideas and help you rise.
Stronger organisms make better organizations – KamatSutra
Control the textual tension
Email wars and the need for domination can spiral out of hand quickly. Stay on top of it. Don’t respond immediately. Practise the start-stop technique to avoid premature escalation of tensions. See related next point.
Resort to sax and violins
Music has a soothing effect on nervous energy. When the adrenaline level shoots up, left-brain techniques (e.g. counting up to 10) are passé. Always remember – Pianist mightier than the sword.
Deal with projectile dysfunction
Not all projects at work will be successful. Accept that you will not be able to rise to the occasion every single time. Take a break. Go on a vacation (try Delhi via Agra).
When you’ve mastered the KamatSutra, there is no difference between a holiday and a weekday. All you get is love day. Love your job and it will love you back.
Any other ideas you’ve benefitted from in your career? Tweet your suggestions to @Careerizma. If it’s interesting, we’ll add it to this list with due credit.